Finding a Boyfreind in Pakistan

People think it’s easy to find a boyfriend in Pakistan. They are right in a way; you can find them in every nook and corner of the streets, markets and online. Their phone numbers are written on washroom doors and college walls. Bfs are available, but good ones are unavailable. All my friends had them, the classmates and even the servants had one or more bf (short of boyfriend). You can imagine my desperation!
There was a guy in our class with crooked teeth called Salman.
One day he came to me when I was alone in the class.
“ Suniye!(Listen)” He asked me without making eye contact.
” I don’t know how to put it. I really like you. Can you become my friends?”
Never mind- if not anyone else then let it be Sallu. A dumb bf is better then noo bf and I can get his teeth fixed by a surgeon.
He was now searching his pockets. (Condoms? so soon?) But instead came out a letter..and I blushed...such expression of true love I had never experienced before...
“Can you please take this – and ....please...give it to Shumaila.”
I raised my hand angrily in air, his cheek needed instant operation.
How dare you! You God dam Bugs bunny! I thought.
“Can you?” He inquired
“Alright.” I said weakly.

One day I found this dude-Imdad. HE was a dreamy eyed, huge nosed, curly haired and twisted head. He started calling me Ammu (with a special emphasis on the muuuuuuu, which reminded me of cows). At first he appeared quite normal, always telling me how he ran into Meera Nair at a bookshop in Holland and how he shook hands with Galbraith at fourteen. When Galbraith died he wrote an article on him and was impatient to get it published because he didn’t want anymore famous people to die before his article got published.
One day he came up to me and said.
“I need something from you Ammu.”
“I can’t give you my life- I never said I would.”
“It’s something very precious. I know you never done it before- you seem like an honorable Muslim girl.”
“Hurry up!”
“What if your husband-to-be finds out Ammu.” He looked down sadly. ”Ammu – I don’t know where to go incase you refuse!”
“What is it?!?” I shouted
“Can I get your Kidney please?”
How would you feel if the guy you think is in pursuit of you, turns out to be in pursuit of your kidney?

When everything flopped my hunt reverted to the internet. Once I met this Italian painter. I could already imagine myself serving him bed tea with the leaning tower of Pisa visible from the window. And he painting me and my jewels...
“What do you paint?” I asked inquisitively.
“Houses.” came the reply.

After this , most of my freinds got married or broke-up, so the thirst to show off a bf was quenched temporarily...

This blog is a piece of fiction.