Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Tips for Would-be Brides!

My good friend Mona is getting married. And I thought, why deprive her of my gems of wisdom?
So here are some tips on how to treat your husband:

1. Never beat your husband , no matter how tempted you are because:
a.He is your husband
b.He is most probably your only husband
c. Log kya kahein gey?
d.Its against the Human Rights Charter ( yes the ambiguous document discovered in '47)
e.Since you will be in USA, he can get you jailed for this. Indeed US jails are not as bad as Pakistan's but what if the send you to Guantanamo Bay? Phir maza ayega?

2. Watch Desperate Housewives. They apparently have very crunchy lifestyles despite being home-makers.

3. IF you live with your in-laws watch star plus soaps. They teach one how to steal, pretend to be the heroine yet back-stab, tackle infertility accusations, insults on God Barahi, infidel husbands , how to crush your bitch of a saas or saukan. Above all, how to pretend doing the household chores in one ton of make-up and designer Saree.

4. If your husband is over-sexed, show him a live performance by Rakhi Sawant. Precaution : Either he will become sexless or gay. So do it at your own risk!

5. Think you will have to serve him for eternity? Well I had an aunty who slept while her husband made the breakfast, prepared fresh orange juice. In fact he made an extra cup for her and placed it in the fridge. Now this is what you call a set-up! lol

6. Suspect he is an infidel? Get his credit card, and shop till you drop! Spend so much that he barely has $5 left to stop at Mcdonald for a Happy meal! ( Happy meals make girls unhappy)

Disclaimer: These tips have been improvised after observing other people ( stuck in crappy marriages) , implement them at your own risk!


  1. Lolz...not bad!! I dont agree with point 2 as "he may not be her only husband"...lolz!! These days its different :))
    Totally agreed with u on the Rakhi Sawant point!!:)
    A nice n creative post...as a matter of fact a nice gift to your friend...:))!!

  2. lol @ 4. since mona doesnt come on blogs ..i think we need a print out of this :p and give it to her ;)

  3. Hahahaha I love these and will definitely keep them in mind when I get hitched =D

  4. hahahaha, well done! creative, funny and interesting piece of writing except that, my jaw dropped and eyez widened just like rakhi sawant in the picture, as I read this. I will consider the tips if in case I'd be bored with my first marriage and intended to go for another .. lol.. Thumbs up mara :P



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