Many of my friends are busy in defending their thesis. So I thought, why not share some free gems of wisdom. Sharing is caring you know!
1. Dress up real sexy, in the middle of the presentation, bend down to pick something up and let the cleavage show. This is extremely helpful if the panel has males, but can work on females too ( you never know who harbors which sexuality!)
2. Don't mention the research cell in the acknowledgments. After all, they don't have a heart and praise never melts them like chocolate.
3. Copy the following Acknowledgments and Paste:
" I am thankful to my parents for having me, particularly my mother for not aborting me, the college principal for resigning and bringing peace to the hormone-driven staff room and finally my boyfriend for sparing me yesterday night so I could prepare the hard-copy."
4. If you see someone in the window, passing through the corridor- scream " Oyeee TU! beghairat kidher mar gaye thee" ( " Hey you! Where did you go die, dishonorable!)
5. If the adjudicator grows angry say- " Maam you blow up like chicken munchurian! "
6. There is absolutely no harm in asking her : Do you like Chicken Shawarma by Cock And Bull!
7. If she asks you " Did you do this yourself?" . Tell her: " Maam I am not corrupt like you!" Don't be scared- truth conquers all!
8. In the middle of the presentation, look straight at your advisor and ask " Is that your daughter who ran away?"
9. To make things more credible, give your friend the panels' numbers, and ask him/her to make regular phone calls and give them the news of their kid running away.
10. Get a ticket to Kyrgystan for your adjudicator, and make sure they board the plane. Neither will they return, nor will this inauspicious day of defending your thesis.
11. After you have presented, wave hands, smile, look around and clap loudly like Sarah Palin- as if you have won the election. Personal charm never fails you.
12. You can always walk in and say that the USB stopped working or the hard copy got lost but this isn't as reliable as the above techniques!
And of course you already know that copying pasting material from websites, using other people's data or references and adding a lot of color on the power point slides not only makes the passage easy but also praiseworthy! Will keep you updated with more tips!